20 Things You Do But Happy People Never Do To Themselves
“You cannot go back in time and restart your life all over again. But today is the first day of the rest of your life. You can have your own start now, and create the ending you want” ~ Mai Pham.
Some people just seem to figure their lives out.
They know what they like. They surround themselves with positive people. They do things that make them happy. They work out frequently. They are in good shape, they are positive and they are happy.
You look at them and you wonder how they did it. How can they be so perfectly happy all the time while you are nowhere near it?
Yes, you might be reading bunches of self-development books, countless of positive articles and you are trying to apply them to your life. But still, the progress seems to be too slow.
Here’s the question.
Are you sure you are doing the right things? Or more specific, are you still doing things that you shouldn't?
Twenty things happy people never do below can help you to do a quick check.
1. You focus on the negative things
You know you have to focus on the positivity. But are you focusing on them?
Or you often find yourself feeling bad if something in your life doesn’t go as well as you hope, or when someone says negative comments about you? Do you just shake it off those things or you look back at them and try to figure out the reason?
It’s easy to be off course on your way to positivity.
Stop focusing on the things you don’t like. Instead, focus on the things that you like. If you are still struggling, here’s a suggestion: "50 Tiny Things To Be Grateful For Everyday"
2. You dwell on the past
People often revisit their past, especially the painful one. Because we wish we could have done something differently to save us from our sorrow present. But the thing is, you cannot come back in time and change your past. It is already gone, and it is completely out of your control, no matter how hard you try.
The painful past cannot hurt you anymore. Unless you let it.
Stop revisiting your past, focus on the present.
3. You spend too much time living in your fantasies
You might not worry too much about your past, but you don’t really love your present. And your escape move is to create a fantasy world, where everything is perfect and you are a king or a queen in your world, where all your dreams come true.
While you need to believe in a greater, brighter future before you make it happen, spending too much time on your fantasies can hurt your present.
A tip is to allow yourself some specific time in the day to daydream, instead of letting your mind wander off all day.
4. You confuse happiness with other things, like money and fame
We all want to be happy. But are you crystal clear on what happiness mean to you?
When it comes to happiness, many people instantly think of money, fame, big houses, fancy cars and expensive vacations. But really, do those things make you happy, or a warm dinner with your family, a hug from your partner when you are sad is something that makes the ice in your soul melts?
Honestly ask yourself what makes you happy and create more happy moments.
5. You wait for the perfect moment to take action
You have dreams, but you still haven’t pursued them. Because you are waiting for the perfect moments.
Because right now you are too busy, you are too tired, you are occupied with work, with family, with children and other stuff.
But here’s the thing.
Your package is always full. When one thing is down, life will manage to bring you more things. And if you don’t drop one or two things, you will never feel less busy or less tired.
If your package is full, leave some items out and put your dream on it.
6. You refuse love because you don’t think you deserve it
You don’t believe people truly love you. Because you don’t deserve it.
You think you don’t have talent, you think you don’t have any good to talk about, you think you are uninteresting.
But you know what? Even if that is true, people who love you don’t care, and people who care don’t matter. Because people love you for who you are, with flaws and all. Stop beating yourself up and thinking that you are not worthy of love.
You are worth!
7. You are a people-pleaser
Being a people-pleaser doesn’t help you to gain people’s affection or respect. On the other hand, it makes people think less of you. Because no matter how terrible they treat you, you still come crawling back.
You don’t need so many people to love you. You only need one. And that’s yourself.
Once you start respecting your own boundaries, and make other people respect you, you will be amazed how great and confident you feel, and how other people start loving you for it.
8. You complain when things go wrong
Life has up and down. Everyone has it. Even the happiest people on earth have it.
The difference between you and them is, they don’t complain about it. If things go wrong, they will fix it. If it is out of their control, they let go.
9. You believe in naysayers
Here’s the truth. Around 90% of people around you are naysayers. They don’t believe in you or your dream.
But it’s not because they don’t think you are talented or good at what you do. It’s mainly because they don’t believe in themselves. When people have low self-esteem, they try to bring other people down to their level, so they will feel better about themselves.
Realize this trick. Even they are not evil people, they have been doing it for so long that they think they are giving you good advice. Be aware.
10. You think you don’t have what it takes
One of the worst naysayers is yourself. When you let your negative self-talk drives you crazy with all the lies.
If you keep letting your inner critic goes wild and say negative things about you, you will end up believing in it. And once you believe in it, those negative things will happen in real life for you.
So acknowledge when it’s you talking or it’s your inner-critic talking and talk back.
11. You are a perfectionist
Okay so you are motivated and you are ready to take action. But let’s make some really careful research first, and make sure before you do it, you know you will succeed. It’s either go big or go home.
Well, then I will call you a perfectionist. You rather do nothing than doing imperfect things.
But you know what? Practice makes perfect. You cannot keep researching and start doing the perfect things right away.
Even if you don’t know how, just do it. The rest will figure itself out.
12. You don’t take full responsibility for your life
Your life is not perfect as you expect it to be. But instead of standing up and take responsibility for it, you play the victim of life. You find excuses and blame your messed up life on other people.
Stop running away from it. You are the only one that is in charge of your life. Take back the driver seat and drive your life to the direction you want it to be.
13. You worry about the future
You spend time worrying about the future too much that you don’t dare to step out, take your chances and live your life.
Every person worries about the uncertainty. Because that’s when things can go out of our control. But isn’t that what makes the future so exciting? It’s also when things can fall into their perfect places, when good things happen to you beyond your expectation.
14. You take people around you and things you have for granted
I realize one thing. I take things I have and people who love me for granted. I spend time worrying about things I don’t have and people who don’t like me.
Instead of saying “I love you” to my mom every day, I complained to her about my co-workers who was mean to me.
Instead of being grateful for having a place to stay, I complained that my apartment is not big and convenient enough.
Are you also guilty of the same charge? Change your perspective today.
15. You compare yourself with others...
Only to become jealous and disappointed about yourself. You think they have a better life than you, because they appear so.
But you don’t know their stories. Everyone, even the most successful people have their own suffering, even the happiest people have their up and down. If you know all about their lives, you might never wish to trade all the things you have to be at their place.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Appreciate things you already have and pursue things you love, for the sake of your own happiness.
16. You beat yourself up when you fail
You will fail many times in your life. Especially if you decided to follow your dream. You have to work 10 times harder than everyone around you, and yet you still fail.
But failures are the best teachers. The harder you fall, the stronger you become.
17. You run away from your troubles
When you don’t take full responsibility for your life, you tend to run away from your troubles, in the hope that someone will take care of them for you, if not, you will play the victim of your life.
Troubles are just troubles from a wrong perspective. If you think about it, troubles are life challenges that only make you stronger afterward.
18. You surround yourself with negative people
You know what people say, you are the average of five people you hang around most often.
Don’t surround yourself with negative friends, just to make you look good. Find friends who are supportive, who are ambitious and believe in your dreams.
19. You lie through your teeth
You can lie to all the people in the world but you cannot lie to yourself. Stop pretending your life is okay when it’s not. If you don’t like something in your life, change it. Even if it is your job or your toxic relationships.
20. You care too much about what people think about you
Your life is yours to decide. No one is responsible for your life but they love to give critics, maybe it’s the way for them to feel better about themselves.
No matter how good you are, people will judge you anyway. So instead of worrying about it, live your life the way you please.
Are you guilty of any charge above?
Be honest with yourself and try not to do those things. With just a simple shift, you can separate yourself from thousands of grumpy people who always nag and complain about their miserable lives.
Because you know what?
Your life is your creation. You always have the choice, to choose happiness above other things.
And soon enough, people will start to ask your secret to feel happy all the time. At that time, you know what to tell them.
I bet you can carry on a long speech then.
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