How to find inner peace even if your life is a storm

All pieces of advice are BS, don’t you think?

They don’t know who you are, where you are from, what you are doing with your life. They don’t know how much work you have to do, how much food you need to put on the table, they don’t know how messed up your life is.

And yet they still call you out, saying an old-schooled advice:

“You have to find your inner peace. It all starts here”.

You are tired of this advice. Everyone says the same thing, but no one tells you exactly how to do it.

Your life is a mess. Every day you wake up, you need to prepare for a battle.
Literally a battle. From house to work.

Your house is a mess. Your children scream all the time. Your neighbors are jerks. Your boss is an ass.

You are tired. You are stuck. You want to scream out loud and tell them to shut off. All you ever want is to be left alone. And yet you hear your name every 5 minutes.

How can someone, anyone, possibly escape from that reality? It is a freaking mission impossible.

And they still tell you to calm down and relax?

“Are you serious?”

I know how you feel.

Because I was there too. I used to think I had the hardest life ever, no one could even come close to understand what I have been through.

Those were some tough years that I didn’t know I could change my life just by finding my inner-peace. It could have been better, much better, you know. If only I know what I know today.

Below are 6 things I have done to find my inner peace in even the hardest situation.

Telling the truth: stop playing double agent

We often say many things we don’t mean, just to seem nicer or avoid guilt. Your co-worker asks you for a favor and you don’t want to offer. But instead of telling her no, you always say: “I would love to help. But I have so many tasks today already”.

You think it is a harmless lie? It’s not.

Your mind can be affected by all the things you do, you talk or you think. When you lie, your mind takes it seriously. It makes you think that you have a lot of tasks and you are falling behind.

A harmless excuse can make you seem nice, but it also makes you weak and affects how you feel.

Start telling the truth. You don’t need to sound mean just by saying the truth. You can be firm and kind even though you say things that people don’t like.

No gossip. Don’t say or listen to things that aren’t true, kind or useful

We all tend to join some social groups, even when you don’t realize. You have some colleagues you often talk with, you have some friends you often go out with and a lot more.

What do you do when you are with them? You either talk or listen.

However, you often listen to their gossips. They either feel good or feel bad for someone, and they start talking about them.

Admit it. It’s true. You gossip a lot.

I understand though. What’s more interesting than talking trash about someone you both hate?

But don’t. Gossiping doesn’t make you a better person. Indeed, it worsens your situation.

When you gossip, you let those negative feelings run all over your mind. And you linger on them. They will, in turn, control your life and eat your soul alive.

If you want to let go the chaos in your life, let go the gossip even if it means you have to leave your groups. Surround yourself with positive people, with positive and meaningful conversations.

If any conversation is not true, is not kind or not useful, you need to walk away.

Control your thoughts

Imagine you are driving and someone asks you: “What are you thinking?”. And we typically respond: “Nothing”.

That’s not true. We never stop thinking. We let our minds and our thoughts wandering around like wild dogs, catch and bring us whatever they can find.

Sometimes they bring us joy and gratitude. But sometimes they make us sad, depressed, resentful, angry and doubtful - just to name a few.

Your thoughts control your feelings. How you feel at the moment is the result of your thought, even if you are aware or not.

If your life is a mess and you let your thoughts to convince that you are messy, angry and tired, you will feel messy, angry and tired. Nice things don’t happen when you are feeling down.

Take control of your thoughts is to take control of your life.

Writing a gratitude journal

A gratitude journal is like a diary, where you only write down what things in your life that make you feel good, make you grateful for. It will direct you to the happiness direction.

A gratitude journal literally changed my life. It makes me focus on the positive side, regain calm and inner peace, feel happier and gain confidence

Stop trying to fix people

We know we are not perfect, but we still try to fix other people, especially our loved ones.

Ironic, isn’t it?

Because we love them and we care for them. We think if only they know what we do, they will change their behavior.

But that’s not the reason.

It’s not about knowledge or information. They know smoking is bad, drinking is bad, exercising is good, but they still do it their way.

That bugs us but we need to let go. People will change when they want to change. Until that, there is nothing you can do about it.

When you ignore this rule and try to fix people, it often backfires on you. It causes argument, anger, resentment, makes people react negatively and destroys your relationship.

Don’t try to change them. Accept them as who they are, with flaws and all. 

Don’t talk to yourself what you cannot talk to your loved ones

You are often too hard on yourself, aren’t you?

You can do the same as everyone else, you achieve the same thing, but for you, that’s never enough. You beat yourself up when you fail your unrealistic goals. You work until exhaustion and you never allow yourself to rest.

When you collapse because of overwhelming tasks you give yourself, you still nag yourself.

“You are useless.”

“You are such a loser.”

“You fail! Again! You should go ahead and kiss your dreams goodbye because you will never achieve them working like this.”

You think these are the thoughts that push you beyond your limits and reach your potential? You think these thoughts prove that you are disciplined and determined to succeed?

That’s not true.

Saying horrible things to yourself lowers your self-esteem, destroys your confidence and crushes your potential to success. Because of all these unpleasant thoughts, you think that you are not worthy of love, not worthy of happiness and not worthy of success.

Once you are convinced by these negative thoughts, you are done.

Treat yourself like your loved ones. Don’t talk to yourself things that you cannot say it out loud to your loved ones. Respect, love and appreciate yourself.

Finding and owning inner peace is a choice

Much like happiness is a choice. Inner peace is a choice. It’s about how you let go of all the chaotic voices in your head, and the chaos in your life.

Imagine every morning you wake up, your heart is filled with gratitude. It is so amazing and beautiful that you are given another day to live, to put yourself out there and experience life.

You are loved. Your family loves you. Your friends love you. And the most important of all: you love yourself.

When you see life through the lens of love, everything seems perfect.

You love your family. Your children are so energetic. Your house is warm and welcoming. Your partner is a kind, loving person. You have a job where you are challenged to grow. And you are growing.

Your life is not a storm. It’s like a boat in the ocean. Waves bring you ups and downs, but together with some wind, they take you further.

Sounds like a perfect picture, doesn’t it?

It’s not impossible. All of it starts with you.

Mai Pham